Karin's Cooking Challenge
by Spaice
Summary: One-shot! What happens when Karin challenges Suigetsu to cook his least favourite food - cuttlefish - with only his sword and a fire? Read and find out! Rated K


**A really, really weird one-shot I came up with when my sister and I were walking home from school and debating about what could happen… Karin's Cooking Challenge!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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"You want me to… WHAT??? You've got to be joking!!" Suigetsu exclaimed as soon as Karin had exposed her evil plans for him that afternoon. She smiled smugly at his reaction.

"Well, you were the one who said you had nothing to do this afternoon. So _I_ thought I'd be nice and give you something to do." she said sweetly and innocently, fluttering her eyelids at him.

"But I can't cook!!! _Especially_ when there aren't any decent implements around!" Suigetsu spluttered indignantly at her suggestion that _he; HE_ would require learning that sort of skill. _And_ there was a girl on the team. "No go I'm afraid, cooking's your job anyway. I don't like cuttlefish so there's no way I would cook it if I could."

"Fine then," Karin shrugged indifferently, "I guess I'll just have to keep your giant cheese knife (see the Interrogationary Cheese Knife) hostage then.

"You'll what???" Suigetsu asked incredulously, wondering how she'd managed to get it away in the first place.

"Well, you see, I had planned to use it for your cooking challenge but seeing as you don't want to do it, I'll have to find other means of entertainment… I mean other means of challenging you, of course." Karin explained with an evil grin.

"I'll just find it then." Suigetsu shrugged, trying to act calm but really he was seething.

"No you won't. I'll destroy it before you manage that!" Karin really had gone one step too far in taunting Suigetsu.

"Fine. I'll do your stupid challenge, then." Suigetsu finally gave in, much to Karin's delight.

"Yay! The threat was a success!!! Even if it was an empty one…" She added. Suigetsu stared at her.

"You mean you never even had it in the first place?" he asked, getting _really_ annoyed at her. "Then I take back my acceptance!" he said, with a sly grin.

"Uh-uh, you accepted. I'll expand on what you have to do. You have to cook a cuttlefish in… let's say… ten minutes, and eat it, with only your sword and a fire."

"B-but that's impossible!" Suigetsu protested.

"Do you want me to make it five minutes then?" Karin asked whilst acting surprised.

"No! I mean, I can't cook with decent equipment, let alone with the stuff we have here so how am I supposed to manage it with practically nothing?" Suigetsu continued.

"Well, you'll just have to manage then, won't you? Oh, and if you fail, I _will_ take your sword and destroy it!"

"And just how will you manage that?" Inquired Suigetsu.

"Oh, I have my means, I have my means…" Karin said. "And for costing this much time, you will only have five minutes to do it. Actually, I'll give you a choice: five minutes or… two minutes!"

_I can just eat the fish raw and she'll never know… Maybe she will, looking at those windows in that room… Well, she hasn't said I can't anyway so I'll just go for two minutes and get it over and done with._

"I choose… two minutes!" he proclaimed to the world. For a few seconds Karin looked genuinely surprised… but then she caught onto his meaning.

"Okay, in you go! And by the way, you can't eat it raw." she added spitefully. Suigetsu bashed his head against the door as he entered the room. "And no changing times! Okay, your time starts… Now! You forgot your sword, stupid." Suigetsu rushed out to collect it, looking flustered already. When he went back in again, Karin closed the door behind him, and locked it.

"Hey! Unlock the door!" he shouted but all he got was a teasing poked out tongue.

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"You can stop with the count-down too!" He shouted at her, even though he was doing it mentally, not her. It went down to 60 seconds – a minute and Suigetsu began seriously thinking.

_If I put my sword over the fire then I'll heat it up as much as possible in about 30 seconds then slap the fish on it and hope it cooks and… eat it… in the last 3._ Was Suigetsu's final plan.

_45_

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Suigetsu could _feel_ his swords discomfort. He patted it to cheer it up but missed the hilt.

"There, there… ow!" he tried to sooth it. _Hōchō bit me!_ No, Suigetsu, the fire 'bit' you.

_30_

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_Hang on a minute… why am I even bothering with this… I hate cuttlefish anyway… Oh well… why don't I just try to cook it at least and… yes! That's a good idea! _Suigetsu picked up the fish by its tail and held it by finger and thumb, all too hasty to drop it on the sword. What he hadn't realised, though, was that Hōchō was at a slight angle and so the fish slid off… He adjusted the angle and slapped the fish on once more. This time it stayed.

_9_

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Suigetsu picked up the fish, or tried to but it was stuck to Hōchō and he just couldn't prise it off…

_1_

_0!_

"Alright, time's up!" announced Karin, walking in the door just at the wrong time. The fish decided it didn't want to be stuck to Hōchō anymore and came flying off… SPLAT… right into Karin's face.

"Oops… sorry." Suigetsu chuckled.

"Why, oh, why didn't I give you olive oil?" Karin asked herself. Then she pounced on Suigetsu, but fortunately for him, Sasuke happened to be walking by at that moment. Besides, Suigetsu had just turned to a big puddle on the floor and Karin had fallen right into it, a bruise already starting to form on her leg and very damp. Her glasses lay, steamed up, in the puddle beside her and she picked them up and, dripping, put them on her face.

"Stop it, you two." Sasuke ordered. "Come out, Suigetsu." Suigetsu materialised and both he and Karin immediately pointed at each other and said in synch,

"He/ She started it!" Sasuke sighed and summoned two snakes, ordering them two wrap around the fighting pair. Suigetsu and Karin gulped simultaneously as their captors hissed menacingly at them.

"Apologise… Both of you." Sasuke ordered (he seems to like ordering things, doesn't he).

"I'm sorry." they both said, at the same time, not exactly meaning it. Sasuke sighed and let them go, the snakes slithering smoothly off into the passageway.

*Three weeks later*

"Karin! Behind you!" Suigetsu shouted a warning to his companion as an enemy snuck up on her. Karin soon struck him down with a deft blow to the head. Sasuke and Juugo were having the time of their lives killing lots of people in this 'kill or be killed' game, them and Suigetsu killing five times as many people as Karin was if you multiplied her rate by two.

"Get down, Suigetsu!" Karin shrieked in his ear as someone threatened to chop off his head with their kunai. Instead of getting down, he swiftly pinned them against the wall using their neck and Hōchō's holes.

"To kill now or to interrogate and then kill later?" Suigetsu pondered. His captive sniffed and asked Suigetsu,

"Is it me or does that sword smell like fish? Cuttlefish to be exact." Suigetsu made up his mind very quickly.

"Kill now then kill Karin later!" He swiftly beheaded the man and as soon as the fight was ended, he turned on Karin… that is until Sasuke got in the way and threatened him with snakes…

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**Done! Please review!!! And if you liked it, take a look at my other SuiKa stories: The Train Ride, The Past is a Terrible Thing and The Interrogationary Cheese Knife and review those too! (Please, please give me an OC on The Past is a Terrible thing if you haven't already!!!**


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